Who am I

Who am I?

That the Lord of all the earth,

Would care to know my name,

Would care to feel my hurt.

Who am I?

That the bright and morning star,

Would choose to light the way,

For my ever wondering heart.

Not because of who I am.

But because of what you've done.

Not because of what I've done.

But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,

Here today and gone tomorrow.

A wave tossed in the ocean,

A vapor in the wind.

Still you hear me when I'm calling,

Lord you catch me when I'm falling,

And you told me who I am.

I am yours.

I am yours.

Who am I?

That the eyes that see my sin,

Would look on me with love,

And watch me rise again.

Who am I?

That the voice that calm the sea,

Would call out through the rain,

And calm the storm in me.

Not because of who I am.

But because of what you've done.

Not because of what I've done.

But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,

Here today and gone tomorrow.

A wave tossed in the ocean,

A vapor in the wind.

Still you hear me when I'm calling,

Lord you catch me when I'm falling,

And you told me who I am.

I am yours.

Not because of who I am.

But because of what you've done.

Not because of what I've done.

But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,

Here today and gone tomorrow.

A wave tossed in the ocean,

A vapor in the wind.

Still you hear me when I'm calling,

Lord you catch me when I'm falling,

You told me who I am.

I am yours.

I am yours.

Whom shall I fear?

Whom shall I fear?

'Cuz I am yours.

I am yours.

Not Again ???

Tuesday (7th December 2010) was Awal Muharram. So it was a public holiday and mommy decided to take me to 1U again to shop. Lucky me.

Wonderful christmas decorations in 1U

Me

My dearest mommy

However, unlucky me because once again my sandals spoiled during shopping. Yes, that's right. I experienced this quite a number of times. There was once it happened when I was travelling and there was also once where both sides of my sport shoes, left and right spoiled during a camp.

Well, this time around, I could not walk properly although only one side of my sandals has spoiled. Therefore I had to go to the nearest shoewear store to get a new pair of sandals. That day I was in Padini Concept Store at that time. So I was very lucky to have Nose located next door.

The spoiled right-side sandal

So I get this pair of sandals.

I kinda like my new sandals - they are pink in colour :)

Hopefully, this will not happen again in the future. Or maybe I should seriously consider putting an extra pair of slippers in my handbag whenever I go out the next time in case if well, you know what. =)

Christmas is in the Air

Yesterday, mommy and I went to Mid Valley Megamall to get some things.

There were a lot of people in the mall and it was full with beautiful christmas decorations all over. There were teddy bears, snow men, nutcrackers, christmas trees and ... People were busy taking photographs here and there.

Beautiful christmas decorations in the mall

Big teddy bear holding a ginger breadman

Giant teddy bear

Of course, we too, took some photographs. However, mommy's photography skill was not really good. The photographs she took were quite blur. Maybe she shook her hands while taking the photographs. I guess I should consider upgrading my camera to solve this "shaking" problem (anyway, I was not using my camera yesterday. photographs were taken using my phone's camera though).

Me with the big donkey~ hee haa

My mommy

Me with the giant teddy bear

I can really feel that christmas is coming soon. I feel happy to hear christmas songs and to celebrate christmas. But at the same time, I do not want christmas to come so soon either because if christmas is here, that means it is time for me to go back to Kelantan.

Anyway, christmas is in the air !!!

Well, I managed to get a schoolbag from Metrojaya and a moisturiser from Skin Food. So I guess my catch for yesterday was not too bad though.

My new schoolbag from Body Glove

Lettuce and cucumber emulsion with free samples of black raspberry emulsion and aloe moisture ampoule

I Just Love Shopping

Thursday, Jamie and I went to Berjaya Times Square in KL for shopping.

My dad dropped me off at Paramount's LRT station and I took LRT to KL Central to meet up with Jamie. I received her sms ard 10am stating that she has reached KL Central and asking me where to meet. I had a shock because I remember of meeting up at 10.30am. So I ended up reaching KL central around 10.30am and poor Jamie waited for me for around half an hour. Sorry, Jamie. I guess it was miscommunication; and it is better if we confirm the time again one day before for the following events in the future.

Me with the turkey breast sandwich from Subway

We had lunch at Subway before starting our shopping spree. However, we had problems searching for the location of the shop. We searched high and low, and spent quite some time figuring out where was Subway. Fortunately, we managed to snap some pictures with the beautiful christmas decorations in Times Square. So I guess it was not really that bad though we faced difficulties in locating Subway as this gave us an opportunity to have a photo-taking session.

The hunt on that day was quite good. I managed to buy 4 hairclips, 2 dresses and a handbag in less than 4 hours time.

4 - 1 Hairclips (another one is with my girlie, Yiu Yiu)

A white halter neck dress for CNY

My greyish overalls, reminds me of my childhood clothings

The cream coloured handbag with a big ribbon and a small doggie

In conclusion, I guess I really love shopping because I feel so happy and relax when I shop(except that I was in dilemma when trying to figure out which style and colour of the overalls to buy).

Anyway, I just love shopping !!! =)

So Near Yet So Far

I have been having this allergy problems for quite some time now. It is just that I did not know what am I allergy to. The allergy can be quite bad at times. My lips will swell, I will feel very itchy and painful; and they will get so red as if I put on lipsticks.

So I finally went to a skin specialist last Saturday since I am back in PJ. I was shocked when the doctor told me that I am most probably allergy to seafood. So he told me not to take seafood, not even anchovies for one week besides having to take some allergy and antibiotic medicines; and applying some medicinal cream on the lips.

I asked him will the allergy go away once and for all. And the answer I got was, "No, it will not go away. It is for life, and it will be on and off. So try to avoid taking seafood such as prawns and certain types of fishes." I was like, "Oh no ! Seriously?"

Yesterday, I went shopping with my mom at 1U. I wanted to eat Japanese food so much. So we went to Pasta Zanmai and had a look at the menu. Almost each and every dish contains seafood. So we decided to have lunch at Dave Deli instead. I was just outside the shop but I did not eat Japanese food.

It was so near yet so far. I hope this one week will pass soon. And by then, I can enjoy my Japanese food.

Flight Delayed !!! Unfortunate or ...

This is my first time blogging in the airport. Well, I should be on the airplane at this time and almost touching down if only the flight was not delayed. How unlucky am I. The flight was scheduled at 10.15pm. So my friend and I decided to go to the airport at 7.30pm to have dinner and wait for the flight there. But we were told that the flight has been delayed to 11.30pm through sms. Not long after, a third sms was received and we were told that the flight was again delayed to 12.05am. Sigh.... So we ended up staying in the aiport for around 3 hours now since we arrived at around 8pm.

So am I unfortunate or what ??? Well, this is kind of wasting my time because I should be meeting my dearest family some time now if only... But this also gives me an opportunity to spend some time in the airport, and since I do not have anything to do, I decided to blog.

Well, finally !!! My final exam ended today and I am happy to go home. 4 weeks of holiday means getting enough rest and recharging my battery by gaining enough sleep, participating in drama marathons, eating nice home-cooked food, hitting the malls and cinemas...

I will try to enjoy myself till the max !!! KL, see you in 1 1/2 hours time... Mommy, can't wait to eat the food you bought for me at pasar malam earlier on... :)

Can't Wait to Go Back

I was talking to my brother on msn. I asked him when is he going back home and he answered me "CNY". I was like, "Oh my, CNY?" He is studying in Kampar, just a 2-hours drive away from home. Yet, he does not go home often. If it is me, I think I will be going home every 2 weeks. Haha.

My brother also promised me that he is going to prepare me some food that he learned. Wow, he said what "Ham, cheese mixed with chicken, and then covered with egg, and put into satay sticks. Later, deep-fried and then put into the microwave oven." Mmmm... Sounds so nice. I think he is so enthusiasted to cook and bake because mommy got a new oven. The new oven is so big and great. Maybe that is why I am also tempted to bake. Haha..

I counted. Still got 9 more nights and then I will be back home. I can't wait to go home. I miss everything back in KL. I miss my mom's cooking, my family, my bed, all my beautiful clothings and ....... Basically everything back there.

KL, wait for me. I will be back soon.
Shopping malls, wait for me. I am going to shop until I drop.
Japanese food, wait for me. I set my target of eating 5 times of Japanese food this time. (Haha, the last time I went back, I ate 11 times of Japanese food during the May and June break.) ^_^

The Road

There are times when we feel weak. What we need to do is to keep ourselves in one piece and to keep fighting. Have faith that we are strong enough to fight. Have faith that God is looking after us. He will be there for us and take care of everything. We just have to play our roles and try our very best. And, things will be in their right places.

The roads in life are not smooth and easy. What matters is we must be willing to and to have the courage to take the first step. The first step is always the hardest but we will realize that the roads are not that rocky after all. Just keep walking and what has to be done will be done.

Come on, Pei Yen. You can do this. You are strong enough. Just believe in yourself.

Is It Normal?

Today I took an afternoon nap. When I woke up and was still lying on the bed, I can felt that my heart was pounding very hard. I can actually felt and heard my own heart beats. The heart beats were really fast and strong. So I was kind of scared. Fortunately, roughly after a minute or two, my heart rate became normal.Well, this is the first time I have this kind of experience. Therefore, it kept me wondering why did it happen, was it normal and was I dreaming. But I am quite sure that I was not dreaming and in fact, at that moment, I also had these weird feelings of sad and not wanting to wake up for the rest of my life. Was I depressed? Was I suicidal? I have no idea.

What ever it is, all the feelings disappeared together with the extremely fast and strong heart beats. Moreover, I feel normal physically and emotionally right now. So I should just forget about it.

By the way, no rice for me for the whole day. Fried noodles plus an egg for brunch and barley for dinner. I am a naughty girl. My mom would be scolding me if she knows. But what to do? I am in Kelantan. Never mind, I will get proper food for tomorrow's meals then. ^_^

No Fish Curry For Life

I was given the recipe of fish curry in my 4th lab practical. I was shocked and was like, "Oh my goodness, I have to cook fish curry? Ewe, I hate fish. They are fishy !!!" So I had this thought, "I shall let my group members to handle the fish and I shall help them out with the cooking of the curry herbs and spices. How smart am I.. Haha."

I did as I planned. I went to take the ingredients needed for the dish and also the utensils needed while my two other group members handled the fish. Then I started cooking the curry by putting in the herbs and spices. After a while, I can smell the strong aroma of the herbs and spices.

To cut the story short, our group managed to prepare the fish curry. After that, it was my English class. So we walked out of the lab and headed towards the classroom. Once we got out of the lab, we can smell the strong odour of the curry herbs and spices on our whole body from top to toe. The smell was on our hair, clothes, bag and practically everything that belonged to us. I have to say we stink ! The odour was horrible. I do not know how to describe the smell. In short, I can only think of the word "evil". The odour gave me the feeling of evil. Well, you must be thinking that I am crazy but I really really really hate the smell.

After English class, I went back to my room and immediately took a shower. I washed my hair with lots of shampoo and I used a lot of hair conditioner too. I also washed my body with lots of body soap. However, after the shower, I can still smell the curry odour on my hair. So I put more hair serum compared to usual but to no avail. Other than that, my apron, cap, kitchen towel, school bag, pencil and even my papers also had the odour.

I felt nauseous when I smell the odour. In the end, the odour on my things only went away after a week. I told myself I will never eat fish curry for the rest of my life. I have a good reason simply because I cannot stand the smell of fish curry anymore. Yesteday afternoon, I passed by the back of my cafeteria when I was on my way to lecture. Guess what? I smell fish curry. The people was cooking fish curry in the cafeteria kitchen. I instantly had this fear of the odour and I feel sick. I think I am phobia to the smell of fish curry. So strictly NO MORE FISH CURRY !!!

A Strawberry Kiss of Death

Strawberry Land was a kingdom where strawberries were grown all over the land and the people make a living by planting strawberries and by selling strawberry-made products. The strawberries grew there were sweet and juicy, and they were used to make jams, pies, chocolates, candies, breads, cakes and yoghurts. The King and Queen of Strawberry Land Kingdom were childless and they have longed for a child for years. After much pining, they finally got a precious gift from God - a beautiful daughter and Amber Rose was her name.

The King and Queen were very much delighted to have a child of their own after the long awaiting and all the people in Strawberry Land were very happy to have a princess borne into their kingdom. Some people were saying, "Thank goodness, we had finally had a princess in our land." Others were saying, "We are happy that the King and Queen are gifted with a beautiful daughter," and also "Princess Amber is very beautiful and she is going to be a good queen in the future."

A grand party was held to celebrate the princess's birth and fairies were invited to attend the party. The fairies were there to offer their gifts, such as beauty, wisdom and intelligence to Princess Amber. The Purple Fairy said, "The princess is going to be a beautiful lady." The Blue Fairy said, "Here, I offer you, Princess Amber, with wisdom." "Princess Amber is going to be an intelligent lady," said the Green Fairy. The party was very much celebrated and everyone was having fun.

All of a sudden,the sky turned dark and strong wind blown. Everyone was suprised and shocked to see an ugly-looking and evil witch appeared. The witch walked to Princess Amber and said, "You will eat strawberry and die at the age of 18." She cursed the princess and then disappeared into thin air. The King and Queen were afraid and did not know what to do. The fairies calmed everyone down and asked them not to worry. The Blue Fairy altered the curse that Princess Amber would not die but would instead remain asleep for life upon eating strawberry.

The King then ordered his men to burn down all the strawberry trees and no strawberry trees can ever be planted in the kingdom again. The people in Strawberry Land burned each and every single strawberry, and also all the strawberry-made products in the kingdom because they wanted to protect their beloved princess from the curse. From then onwards, they have changed from planting strawberry trees to planting apple trees. People have substituted strawberries with apples. Apple jams, apple pies, apple breads and apple cakes were being produced.

18 years have passed and Princess Amber was now a young lady with porcelain-white skin, big and starry eyes, a sharp nose and small, cherry red lips. Princess Amber was an intelligent, cheerful, kind and talented girl. She had beautiful voice, and she can sing and dance very well too. Princess Amber was loved by all the people in Strawberry Land because she was very polite and was very kind to everyone. She has grown up healthily and happily under the protection of the King, the Queen and the people in her kingdom. Nobody has ever told her about the curse that the evil witch had casted on her and she had never seen a strawberry in her whole life.

One day, Princess Amber was singing ad dancing in the garden. Prince Ethan Jacobs, a young and handsome prince from the neighbouring kingdom, Banana Land passed by and heard her singing. He was curious and therefore went to have a look at Princess Amber. He was suprised to see a beautiful young lady singing with a sweet voice and dancing gracefully in the garden. Prince Ethan could not help himself but to walk over and try to get to know her.

Princess Amber was dancing and when she turned around, she saw Prince Ethan. Her eyes met with his and it was love at first sight. He apologized to her for interrupting and then introduced himself. "I am very sorry for interrupting your dance, my lady. My name is Ethan Jacobs and I am from Banana Land. May I know your name please?" said Prince Ethan. Princess Amber replied, "Apology accepted. Amber Rose is my name. And what are you doing here?" "I am on a hunting trip and just happened to be passing by this garden," answered Prince Ethan. Princess Amber then said, "Well, welcome to Strawberry Land and if you do not mind, I would be happy to take you around visiting our kingdom." That was how they met and started becoming friends.

Princess Amber took Prince Ethan around and brought him back to the castle. She introduced him to the King and Queen. The King said, "Your father, King Joseph was a good friend of mine and I am happy to see you here. Please send my regards to him and do come to Strawberry Land for visits. You are always welcome here." Ever since then, Prince Ethan had always come to Strawberry Land to meet up with Princess Amber. They sang and danced together. They spent so much time together and they were very happy to have each other as company.

It was Princess Amber's 18th birthday, and the King and Queen threw her a birthday party. King Joseph, his Queen and Prince Ethan were invited to the party. The fairies were also invited and all of them attended the party. Prince Ethan brought Princess Amber to the garden where they first met, and he presented to her a big and red strawberry as birthday gift. She told him that she had never seen a strawberry before and did not want to try the strawberry. Prince Ethan then said it was alright and therefore ate the strawberry himself. They then danced together and after the dance, Prince Ethan kissed Princess Amber on her lips. After the kiss, he was shocked to see her falling onto the ground.

Prince Ethan carried Princess Amber back to the castle. He told them what had happened. The King and Queen asked the fairies for help. "I am sorry. But there is nothing we can do to help the princess," said the Purple Fairy. "Princess Amber is only asleep, not dead. I am sure there will be miracle and she may wake up one day," added the Blue Fairy.

Prince Ethan told the King, "I am really sorry for what had happened. But I do believe that Amber will wake up some day. May I ask for your permission to marry your daughter, Amber?" "Ethan, are you sure you really want to marry my daughter? Now that she is asleep for life. Are you willing to take on the responsibility to take care of her for life? To protect and to love her unconditionally?" replied the King. "Yes, Amber is my true love. And I am willing to take care of her, to protect and to love her as long as I live. Please, give us your blessing," said Prince Ethan. The King dropped some tears and nodded his head, "Son, you have my blessing." Everybody there had their cheeks wet by tears. They were touched by the prince's love for the princess.

Prince Ethan maaried Princess Amber and took her back to Banana Land. He carried her to their room and laid her down on the bed. "I am sorry, my love. I did not know that strawberry can make you fall asleep forever. That was a strawberry kiss of death to you, my dear. I am really sorry. But I promise you, I will take care of you. I will also continue to love you till the day I die," confessed Prince Ethan. He then kissed her on her lips gently, and his tears dropped on her cheeks. A miracle had happened. Princess Amber opened her eyes. She had woke up. It was the power of their true love that broke the curse.

Prince Ethan and Princess Amber live happily as a married couple in Banana Land. A few years later, King Joseph passed his throne to Prince Ethan and Princess Amber bore him a pair of beautiful twins. King Ethan was a good king and the people in Banana Land live happily ever after.

What is Wrong with Me ?!!

Today, I only have two hours of lecture in the morning. After lecture, I went to the cafeteria to pack my lunch. Then, I walked back to my room. I washed my clothes after eating lunch. I was telling myself that I must finish going through one notes before going for a nap.

I sat down with my notes for one hour but I did not even manage to read through ten slides. I could not keep my eyes opened anymore. Therefore, I put down the notes and climbed up my bed. I dozed off within minutes.

I slept for two hours plus. I felt even more tired after sleeping. I do not know what is wrong with me. Normally, I feel refreshed after resting and sleeping. Not only do I feel tired, I also feel moody. I do not feel like doing anything.

I sat down again with my notes after dinner. It is 10.30pm now and I have finally manged to finish reading one notes. Oh my goodness, I do not know what has happened to me. I spent the whole day studying one notes only.

I guess maybe I am not used to the life here after going back home for two weeks. Or maybe it is because of the upcoming examinations, the assignments with their deadlines approaching and also the activities I am involved in. Maybe I just miss spending time with my best friend - television. I really miss the times where I sit on a sofa infront of the television watching movies, drama, or entertainment shows. I feel so comfortable and so... I do not know how to describe the feelings. Now, I can only sit down on a hard chair infront of my laptop.

I am listening to the song - "Home" by Michael Buble. Well, the lyrics really match my feelings right now.

"Home"

Another summer day

Has come and gone away

In Paris and Rome

But I wanna go home

Mmmmmmmm

May be surrounded by

A million people I

Still feel all alone

I just wanna go home

Oh, I miss you, you know

And I've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you

Each one a line or two
"I'm fine baby, how are you?"

Well I would send them but I know that it's just not enough

My words were cold and flat

And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane

Another sunny place

I'm lucky, I know

But I wanna go home

Mmmm, I've got to go home

Let me go home

I'm just too far from where you are

I wanna come home

And I feel just like I'm living someone else's life

It's like I just stepped outside

When everything was going right

And I know just why you could not come along with me

'Cause this was not your dream

But you have always believed in me

Another winter day has come

And gone away

In even Paris and Rome

And I wanna go home

Let me go home

And I'm surrounded by

A million people I

Still fell all alone

Oh, let me go home

Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home

I've had my run

Baby, I'm done

I gotta go home

Let me go home

It will all be all right

I'll be home tonight

I'm coming back home

A New Journey

Excitement, scare and worries. These were the mixed feelings I felt when I was waiting for my results of application into local universities by Unit Pusat Universiti (UPU). Earlier on, I was given a false hope by Universiti Sains Malaysia (USM). USM offered me a place to pursue a bachelor degree in Dietetics but the next day, they said there were a technical error and the fact that I did not get a place in their university. Do you remember the blunder made by USM and it was published on the front cover of local newspapers? And yes, I was one of the victims of that blunder. Therefore, my only hope was that I will get good news from my UPU application.

On the day where UPU released the results, I went to my friend, Hua Wen's house to check out my results because my house did not have internet service back then. When I arrived, Hua Wen told me happily that she managed to get a place in Universiti Putra Malaysia (UPM) to do Nutrition and Community Health. I thought I would get a place too because Hua Wen was a victim of the USM blunder just as me. However, I was shocked and speechless when I saw the words, "Dukacita dimaklumkan...." I failed to get a place through UPU. My thoughts were "Oh my, what am I going to do now?" I told my mom who accompanied me there about it and she asked me to calm down first. Hua Wen then suggested that I make an appeal to UPU. With no other choices available, I made an appeal online and then went home.

I tried to console myself by telling myself not to feel sad and do not worry about it because I can go to a private college if my appeal failed. But to be honest, I could not help it but to feel lost and helpless, and also very scared and worried. My mom consoled me by assuring me that I will be fine and maybe my appeal will be accepted or I can even go to a private college. I felt better even though I still feel sad because most of my friends are enrolling into universities the following week but me, I am lost and I cannot see my future yet.

The following Wednesday, I accompanied Hua Wen to the mall to shop for the things she needed before enrolling into UPM three days later. As we were shopping around, I was thinking I would also be buying the things needed too, if I was offered a place by any local universities. Actually, I kind of envied Hua Wen for being able to enrol into university soon. After finished shopping, I went home and a miracle has happened. I received a short message service (sms), saying that USM has again offered me a place to study Dietetics. At that time, I was thinking whether this is true or not. Is it another blunder by USM? I was thinking whether I should believe it or not.

Then, I told my mom and my aunt about it. My aunt phoned up USM to confirm whether the notification is valid this time. The staff told her this is true and I have to register at the health campus of USM in Kubang Kerian, Kelantan on Saturday. I was like, "Oh my goodness! The health campus of USM is in Kelantan and I have to go there in three days time. But I have not prepared and buy anything yet." Frankly speaking, all this while, I thought that all the campuses of USM are located in Penang Island and I did not know that their health campus is in Kelantan. The truth is I did not even want to apply for a place in USM because I did not want to leave Kuala Lumpur (KL) and I wanted to get into Universiti Malaya (UM), UPM or Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia (UKM); I applied for USM because Hua Wen asked me to apply for it together with her. I filled up Dietetics as my first choice simply because I am a person who does not have any ambition, and I do not even have any idea what to study. Yes, this is a true story and I am not telling lies. I am such a blur person in life.

My mom called my dad immediately and told him this good news. My dad came home immediately and started to source for information. He was very happy that I managed to get a place in USM because USM has just acquired the APEX status but he is also worried at the same time because we do not have any friends or relatives in Kelantan and he is worried about my well-being there. My dad told me that we will have to leave for Kelantan on Friday as it takes around 8 to 9 hours to travel there from KL by bus and the registration is on Saturday morning. I was shocked and scared; deep down my heart, I was unwilling to go to Kelantan because I have not leave home all my life and I have to go so far away just to further my studies. I have to admit that I am a pampered child. I have never done household chores; I have never washed clothes before, I have never washed the toilet before... Everything in my life is well taken care of by my mom. Therefore, I wondered whether I will be able to survive in Kelantan, without any family members and friends around.

Everything was in a rush. My dad bought two bus tickets to Kelantan and booked a hotel room the next day. My mom and aunt took me to buy some necessities and helped me packed up my luggage. Everything was done in one day's time. My father and I left for Kelantan on Friday morning. My mom did not go with us because she had to babysit and could not leave. It was my first time leaving home to such a far place, and I was afraid because I do not know what to expect in the future. When I was walking out of the house to get into the car of my dad's friend, I dare not turn back to say good bye to my mom for I knew I would definitely cry if I look at her face. So I just waved and said good bye to her with my back facing her. Tears rolled down my cheeks after I get into the car and I did not turn back to look at my mom even after the car took off. My dad's friend dropped us off at the bus station at Putra World Trade Centre (PWTC) in KL. My dad and I went up the bus at 9.50 am and the bus started the journey to Kelantan at 10 am. I started crying silently as the bus took off. I felt depressed and scared because this is my first time leaving home to such a far place. So I kept telling myself this is one of the stages in life, everyone has to go through this and I can definitely survive.

I have started a new journey in my life - enrolling into USM in Kelantan to pursue my bachelor of degree in Dietetics and having to live on my own with no family members and friends by my side. I knew it is time for me to be independent and to live on my own. What I have learnt is do not worry when things are not in their right places because God will take care of everything and He will arrange everything for us. Just like I do, I did not get any offers from any local universities but in the end, I managed to get a place in USM. I was well taken care of and I managed to survive in such a far place away from home. I also learnt that we must not underestimate our own capabilities. Do believe in ourselves and we can definitely go through all the difficulties in life. I realised I am not that weak after all and I can survive on my own. I believe I will be able to face any difficulties in life in the future.

Countdown. 4, 3, 2, 1...

Countdown for another four days to go home. I have this habit of counting how many nights do I have to wait before going home. At night or rather early morning (because I normally sleep at 2am or 3am), I would count how many nights do I have to sleep on this super duper hard bed before I can go home and sleep on my soft and comfortable bed.

To be honest, for this raya and mid-semester break, I do not have the urge to go home so badly. Maybe it is because I have just went home three weeks ago. Or maybe I am afraid to come back to Kelantan again. I have to wait for nine weeks before I can go home again somewhere in late November. These nine weeks are going to be very hard to go through. No matter what, I still have to try my best to appreciate and make good use of these nine weeks in my life. For we have to treasure each and every second in our life. We do not know what will happen to us the next second.

So, I have to work harder and try to complete all my assignments before going home. I must make good use of my this two weeks break and enjoy it till the max. I believe I can do so. Go, Pei Yen, go...

Searching For The Right Dress

My first time attending a graduation ball, or rather more commonly known as prom night was after I finished my STPM examination. My best friend and I were really excited to attend the ball. In fact, we went shopping for our dresses two months before the event. At that time, we were supposed to be studying hard because our exam was in a month's time but we did not and we actually went on a prom dress hunting trip.

It was so much fun and excitement searching for the right dress together with my best friend. We went into each and every shops in Sunway Pyramid to check out their dresses. We actually spent half a day in the shopping mall. We browsed through the dresses and tried on the "high potential" ones. We had so much fun trying on different types of dresses. We were each other's fashion consultant. "No, not this one. It is too short.", "This colour does not suit you, my dear. Try out the white one.". These are some of our professional advices to one another. This whole thing - shopping with my best friend, meant a lot to me because I am the only daugther in my family, and I have longed for a sister so that I can go shopping with her.

Back to the dress, I have to admit that I have a fond for tube dress. I really like tube dress but I do not mind getting a halter neck dress as long as I look nice in it. However, I do have luck on that day because I managed to find a nice tube dress. The dress was available in four colours: black, peach, green and purple. I tried on the black and peach ones. I put on the peach one first and I was like, "Oh my, I really like this peach tube dress. Tube dress, peach colour, both my favourite." But I stopped to think for a moment and yes, I realised that this peach dress is more suitable as an outfit for a bridesmaid rather than as a prom dress. So I tried out the black one. "How gorgeous is this dress." This was on my mind at that moment. I liked this dress very much too. This black dress has an additional advantage whereby it made me look slimmer. Then, I asked my friend for opinion, whether I should take the peach one or the black one. Well, we had the same thinking and therefore I got the black one.

My friend managed to get a beautiful fuchsia dress. The dress was really fitting but luckily it was stretchable. People would really need help in putting on this kind of dress. Therefore, I actually went into the fitting room with her and gave her a hand by pulling her dress down because it was too fitting that it got stuck at her shoulders and she could not pull it down by herself. After that, I told her not to wear that dress when nobody is around because she can really get stucked in this kind of dress. But it is definitely worth going through this kind of small matter because she looked beautiful in that dress.

Mission accomplished. We went home happily because we managed to find the suitable dress that we like. After finding the right dress, we were supposed to start studying hard for the upcoming major exam but we did not. Instead, we started planning our next agenda - where and how should we style our hair for the prom. Well, this is us. My friend and I, we do not really like studying, and our way of studying is different from normal people. We always study last minute. When I said last minute, I really meant it. Normally, we would start studying two to three days before the exam, and the most is one week before but nothing longer than that. I am still wondering how we managed to pass the exam. But this is my life, so I decide how I should study and how I live my life. I want to excel in my studies but I also want to enjoy my life at the same time and I do not want to miss out any fun parts in my life. Therefore, I do not care about how other people study as long as I can cope with my studies and I can live my life the way I want.

The Fallen Angel

Yesterday afternoon, my friends and I took part in an anthropometry project conducted by a post-graduate student . We agreed to be the subjects for the anthropometry project. One of my friends took the measurements first and I was the second person in line. That friend of mine asked us not to look at her while the doctor was going through the procedures. Therefore, I took her chinese newspaper and climb up the bed. I got attracted by the pictures on the cover of the metro section. So I decided to go through that article first before reading other sections. I read the title of the article and I felt sad instantly. This article is about a little girl who passed away 135 days after the doctor diagnosed her with brain tumour.

Elena Desserich was five years old when the doctor told her parents that there was a tumour in her brain. He told them she has no chance of survival because surgery could not be done to remove the tumour and that she only has 3 to 6 months of time remaining. Her parents were devastated and the time left is not much; not enough time for them to watch their daughter attending driving classes, having her first date, getting married and having her own children.

Surgery could not be performed and therefore the only option for Elena was chemotherapy. However, the drugs made her nauseous. The first time she started vomitting was the time when her father brought her to the cinema for a movie. She started complaining of feeling sick not long after they arrived there. Without any toilets in sight, her father was forced to use both his hands as a vomit bucket. After that, they went to the toilet to clean up. Oh my, after reading these paragraphs, I know that tears are going to flow out of my eyes real soon. I felt so sorry for Elena. I was imagining the scene at the cinema. How sad and how helpless they were.

Her clothes and pants were dirtied by the vomit and she was standing in the gent's room with only her panty on. Elena asked her father why was there a tumour in her brain? Why her friends did not get this disease? She has asked her parents these questions for a month. But her parents did not have answers to her questions. They could only tell themselves that this is a test from God, to test their faithfulness in God.

Elena was a lovely girl, she was cute, smart, active and she loves to smile. However, this disease changed her. She became tired easily. As time passed by, she had difficulties speaking and moving her right arm. Afraid that Elena might lose her speaking ability and sight soon, her parents tried their very best to teach her sign language, hoping that she can communicate with the world despite her disabilities.

Anyhow, the cruel reality happened. As her condition worsened, she could not talk and move her right hand any more. This made her no longer able to use sign language to express her thoughts and the worst thing was she could not even describe and tell other people about her pain.

Finally, the day had come. Elena passed away. Her parents were packing her things and they were suprised to find heart-shaped messages with the words, "I Love You" on them. Elena wrote the messages when she was still able to write at that time. She hid them everywhere, inside the drawers, slits of the couch, her father's bag... Her family started a treasure hunt and they managed to find hundreds of these messages from every corner of the house. Each and every message was what Elena wanted to tell them, that she loves them and she hope that these messages will give them the courage to live on happily.

Her parents set up a foundation called "The Cure Starts Now" (CSN). The foundation is meant to help children with brain tumour. They hope that children with this disease will have courage just like their daughter, to face it together with their families.

Elena's courage in facing her disease enables us to see that love, is the most powerful thing on earth; eventhough we may die and leave this world, but our love is eternal, it is ever lasting and it is the best present for those who are left behind.

I felt sad rading this article. A child should not suffer like Elena did. He or she should have a happy childhood; playing with toys, jumping and running around... Maybe God has a different plan for these people. I believe everything happens for a reason. So those who are left behind, please do live on with courage because the deceased would want you to live happily.

Babysitting

My mom is a babysitter. So I get to be around babies and children. I remember the first baby came into our family when I was in Standard Five. Well, my parents have always tell my brothers and I that we must treat the kids like our own brothers and sisters because they are a part of our family. Back to the point, the first baby was a boy. He was only two months old then. Oh my, he was small and thin. At first, I dare not carry him because he looked fragile and I was afraid that I might hurt him. After three months, I finally had the courage to carry the baby boy.

Two years later, his little brother came along. This baby was totally different from his older brother. He was very chubby unlike his older brother who was very thin. I can still remember the first time I met this little guy. It was a Saturday morning, I woke up and went to my parents bedroom. I was suprised to see a baby on the bed because he was supposed to come on the following Monday. I walked to the bed and had this beautiful sight. A chubby baby with two deep dimples on his cheeks smiling happily at me. At that time, I was thinking, "Oh my, this baby is very cute and he is smiling at me as if he is introducing himself to me, telling me that he is my new little brother." Then, I asked my mom why is the baby here today. She told me that his parents have something on and therefore, they need to leave the baby with us. That was my first time meeting him and that moment was so beautiful that I can still remember it clearly.

To be honest, I did not really babysit the two boys back at that time because I, myself was considered as a kid who still needs others' care. I started to help my mom babysit when another baby girl from another family came into our family. I was sixteen at that time and I was mature enough to babysit. This time, I was not afraid to carry newborn baby anymore because I have already got the experiences needed.

I have two biological brothers and I am the only daughter in the family. Therefore, I was very excited to have a baby sister. My brothers and the two boys were also very excited. Everyone welcomed her into our big family.

I was in Form Four at that time, I went to school in the morning and came home in the afternoon. I helped my mom to babysit the baby girl after school. I feed her milk, I changed her diapers, I sang to her nursery rhymes, I played with her and much more. When she was eight months old and it was time for her to start having semi-solid food. I fed her baby cereals and porridge. Cereals and porridge are very messy. When I feed her, she would turn her head around. The food would end up being all over her face. Sometimes I would laugh at her because the cereal or porrige on her upper lips looked like a moustache. Thinking back, I had lots of fun feeding her porridege then.

After I finished my STPM, I worked for five months and then I left my job because I have decided to take some time off and to stay at home before entering university. My darling sister was four years old then and she started going to kindergarten for pre-school study. Back then, I was very free and therefore I took care of her. Everyday, except for Saturdays and Sundays of course, I would bathe her after she came back from school. After that, I would feed her lunch. The next agenda would be coaching her on her homeworks. Can you believe it, pre-schoolers do have homeworks nowadays. After homework coaching session, it would be putting her to bed for her afternoon nap. After she fell asleep, I would take a nap too. When she woke up in the evening, it would be time for dinner. We would have dinner together while catching up on dramas. Then, her parents would pick her up in the evening or at night, sometimes at 7 pm, sometimes 8 pm, sometimes 9pm or even 10 pm.

So these are my experiences of babysitting. Honest speaking, I really miss those time I spent together with my little brothers and sister. Well, this is life and I have to leave home to further my studies in Kelantan. But I can still meet them up when I go home during holidays and semester breaks. And yes, I cannot wait to go home for this mid-semester and raya break. I get to spend some quality time together with my family members soon.

Wide Open

I am wide open,
To shield you,
My master,
From the sun,
From the rain.

I am wide open,
You can hide in me,
My master,
When you are in fear,
When you need a place to drop some tears.

I am wide open,
For I know you need me,
Do not worry,
My master,
I will be there for you.

I am reaching the end of my life,
Yet it does not matter,
For I will continue to serve you,
My master,
Till the day,
The day of the end of my life.

Mother

Everyone has a mother. He, she, you and me, all of us have our own mother. I believe all mothers in this world are different from each other in many aspects but they definitely have one thing in common. They have different looks, different personalities, different ways of thinking and so on but one thing is for sure - they love their children very much. I can see the burn marks and scars on her hands. The red patches are formed when her hands get in contact with sprinkles of hot oil during cooking. Yet, she does not mind getting injuries as long as her darlings can have wonderful meals. "Remember to eat, my dear. No matter how, you must eat or else you will get gastric again. Please, do not make me worry about you." I can always hear this in a familiar voice no matter where I am. Even if I am far away from home, she will give me a ring and remind me. How lovely, I have a sniff of the freshly washed pillow case. The smell makes me feel warm and safe, and I always associate it with her. I longed for going home. At home, I can have the specially made barley and ginkgo soup. I can taste the sweetness and happiness where I can hardly find it from anywhere else. Now that I am so far away from her that I feel so lonely and I miss her so much. I have finally realised that I have took her for granted and I have never tell her how much I need her in my life and how much I love her. Maybe I do not have to because she has already known this deep down in her heart. Maybe she does not even mind whether I tell her that or not because she will always love me no matter what happens. She is the moon that revolves around the earth all year long. My mother is the guardian angel that will always be with me.

A Memorable Trip

Five of my university friends and I went to Singapore for vacation. To be honest, this is my very first experience of going overseas. Therefore, this trip is very memorable to me. In addition, this is not just an ordinary all girls trip, it is very meaningful to all of us because we celebrated a girl's 21st birthday there.

The six of us, Jee Leng, Sue Mei, Shi Yin, Davina, Jin Ting and I are from different states. Three of us are from Selangor; others are from Kelantan, Pahang and Melaka. Therefore, another three came to Selangor one day before so that all of us can take a bus to Singapore together.

This is a four days three nights trip. On the first day, we arrived at the apartment of Jee Leng's sister around three o'clock in the afternoon. After that, we went to Suntec City Mall for dinner and Esplanade to enjoy the night view of Singapore. The second day was a shopping day. We went to the shopping malls along Orchard Road. I enjoyed myself very much because I really like shopping.

However, I enjoyed the third day the most. We went to Sentosa Island in the afternoon and Night Safari in the evening. 18th June is Sue Mei's birthday and we have decided to celebrate her birthday in a special way. We never mentioned a word about her birthday for the whole day. After coming home from Night Safari, we surprised her by waiting for her outside the bath room with a cake in Jee Leng's hands and all the lights off. We sang a birthday song to her and then she cut the cake after making a wish. We had cake and milk as supper before going to bed.

I am really glad that we took hundreds of photographs in this trip. Thanks to Jee Leng, our photographer for taking the photographs. These photographs are really important because when I look at them, I recall about the moments we spent together. I really thank my friends for being in the beautiful memories of this memorable trip. I will always remember them.

Sorethroat and Flu

Sorethroat, I do not like you. Please go away. I do not understand why but I always get sorethroat here, in Kelantan. I mean, I do get sorethroat back home but not as frequent. It is like I have sorethroat at least twice a week here, in campus and normally, it lasts up to two to three days. Sigh. It is really irritating having sorethroat, especially at night. This is because I cannot sleep soundly as I can actually feel the sore.

Another good friend of sorethroat but an enemy of mine is flu. Flu, why do you like me so much? I keep getting blocked nose and I cannot breath normally. And the worse part is one of my nostrils is blocked while the other one, haha, mucus kept flowing out of it. Oh goodness, I hate being sick. Should I blame the weather here, that keeps changing from extreme hot to heavy rain and vice versa, or should I blame myself for not taking good care of my own body???

I miss home so much. Oh, Home Sweet Home. At home, mommy, you had always and will always take care of me when I am sick. When I mentioned that I am having sorethroat, you will immediately go into the kitchen and make me a honey with lemon beverage to soothe my throat. I feel much better immediately not because of the beverage that you made for me but because of the care and love that you gave me. I know, mommy, you are always worried about my health as I have been a child who get sick easily and I know that it has not been easy for you to raise me up. Sorry, mommy and thank you so much for being my mother, for taking good care of me, for worrying about me, for the countless things that you have done for me. I miss you, mommy. And I love you so much.

It is actually very weird as I did not get homesick during my first year in uni but in fact, I feel homesick during my second year here. I wonder why? Haha.. I know why. It is because of you guys, you know who am I talking about. You guys are like my family members here. You guys made me feel like home. Well, this is life, we move on, we go on separate paths. No no no. Actually, we are still on the same path. We are still studying in the same uni and we can still see each other. It is just that we can hardly see each other nowadays as we are busy with our own life. Well, I should not think like this. Hey, Pei Yen, girl, think positively. You should think in this way: You do not lose them, you still have them, "your family members here". It is just the same case as your real family members. You do not see your brothers very often too, because one of them is busy fighting for his career while another one is studying in another state. You can hardly see them too. Remember, people that you care about and love so much, they do not necessary have to be with you all the time. They are already in your heart.

YES, I understand, TOTALLY understand... Whatever it is, I miss all of you so much. ^_^

The Beginning

Today, I decide to create a blog. Partly, it is because our english lecturer asked us to create blogs so that she and her writer friends can check them out, as what she has said. Well, I think it is a good idea to start blogging. I am searching for a new path in my life, as I think I am lost...in some way. I am still learning, learning about everything because learning never ends... So, here i go, with my very 1st blog created tonight after learning how to create a blog.

To be honest, my english is not very good. I had always have problems in writing: grammatical errors, spelling mistakes, etc... And I am also kind of confused with the tenses: past tense, present tense, future tense and so on. So I am hoping that by blogging, I can improve my english as well as my writing skills... And of course, hopefully, I can also be more imaginative !!!
Salute, Creative Writing...

Just to share with you people, I think I have been wasting my time, my life lately. Ever since I came back to campus, I have done nothing benificial. I have been sleeping, eating, chatting online and participating in drama marathons. I know this is WRONG.. and that I should stop losing myself as well as wasting my life. Man, I mean life is short and therefore we should cherish each and every second of our life. I must start doing things that are meaningful and make sure that I will not regret in the future about not doing something in the present. So, to the people out there who are like me, please WAKE UP and do something about it!!! I am sure you can. Come, let's start afresh in life and work hard together to bring ourselves back onto our path or to search for a new path in life.. ^_^